in my college creative writing class....

we spent a good deal of time talking about crack. I learned more about crack than I ever cared to know. In fact, the two main facts that stick in my memory from junior spring at USC are that bonobos are the “make love not war” ape (they enjoy frequent bouts of g-g rubbing), and that, in the 80’s, Barbara Bush used to ride around on something called the battle ram, an actual army tank used to break into and flatten houses where suspected drug dealers were living.

“Just imagine,” our professor would say in that gleeful tone of voice he always took on when approaching his favorite topic of conversation, “You’re a nice big Italian family, sitting down to spaghetti dinner, when all of a sudden, out of nowhere, the walls bust open and…..”

“Wait! Did this really…” I squealed incredulously.

“BATTLE-RAM! BATTLE-RAM!” He yelled.